Saturday, February 25, 2006

Holy Conflict, Batman!

So, late last night, my CP and I were considering what was wrong with my current WIP. Basically, it's boring as hell. I mean, I like everyone. And there's a definite pull. But the current plot is not holding up the fat ass on this puppy, and I say that with love. It's just not doing it. If ever a book needed and ass bra, this is it.

Thankfully, my CP had one or two handy and we're back in business. (You know, when I stop procrastinating and actually get back to working on it.) Alas, the more I work on it, the more I realize that this book is really a Single Title. Not an epic or anything, but there is a lot of weaving to be done and all of it actually DOES need to be in there, and 60k just ain't going to cut it. This is a Single Title.

But I'm not ready!

At least, I'm not sure I am. Most of my story ideas are big like this, but--as I lamented to another CP--I haven't written a big book in years. Not one that made any sense, anyway. When I was a kid and writing was easy (you know, when I didn't know what the hell I was doing as opposed to now, when I REALLY don't know what the hell I'm doing). And I admit it, I'm scared. Single Titles are a dream I felt I had to grow into and I've been writing for a really damn long time, always telling myself I'm not ready. But, this puppy is contracted and the story has to go this way. So, ready or not, here I come.

BUT, before I do, I'm going to post the conversation with Lorie here for a good laugh and a little encouragement. Read it through, because it's funny, and see if you can take on the challenge at the bottom!

Dee says: I stayed up really late last night with X trying to figure out how to fix Sky's pacing. Dumb-ass has gone and made himself more Single Title than I expected. Wondering if I shouldn't go for the whole shebang

Lorie says: why not?

Dee says: well, I've never written a full size single title. At least, not on purpose. My endless childhood tomes really don't count, they had no craft.

Lorie says: right, although, you know, following the craft rules too closely can lead to lessening of voice

Dee says: lol, these were bad. When I say craft, I mean they were devoid of any kind of skill, possibly even talent, lol, they were BAD

Lorie says: ah

Dee says: Perfect example, my book "Faith": epic tale of a woman who escapes her sociopathic husband only to bring death whereever she hides as he follows her. oh, and every man who meets her falls in love with her

Lorie says: which knowing what you know now you could actually work with without making it all .. formula

Dee says: did I mention she's just short of catatonic for the first part of the story?

Lorie says: lol

Dee says: oh, lol, this has just begun! that part would almost make sense

Lorie says: lol

Dee says: so, her lawyer, who was the first born "legitimate" son of a massively rich man, decides to take her to his father's mansion to hide and recover. she doesn't really do more than blink a few times here

Lorie says: lol

Dee says: when she arrives, she's now thrown into the mix of the lawyer's convoluted family situation

Lorie says: lol of course

Dee says: Dad, from Ireland, apparently was torn from who true love--who is now his maid--and married a harridan of his father's choosing. oh, and she has a gorgeous son of her that Dad, who, upon seeing Catatonic Chick, claims her for his own

Lorie says: lol, a real web huh

Dee says: and begins another battle with lawyer dude--who's ex-wife, btw, once had an affair with Hot Illegitimate, Oh, and did you know she's pregnant? With a heart condition! Oh MY!

Lorie says: lol, holy conflict batman!

Dee says: Catatonic Chick awakens under loving ministrations of Hot Illegitimate's warm brogue and rejects overtures of Lawyer Dude, which displeases Evil Harridan, who connects (Miraculously) with Evil Socio Hubby to make a deal to get back at Catatonic Chick

Lorie says: catatonic chick alone is too much sometimes... although, hot illegitamte's warm brogue stirs interest

Dee says: I'm pretty sure Evil Hubby kills Evil Harridan (and she LIKES it!) before attacking Hot Illegitimate, who has finally come to terms with Lawyer dude after Ho-Wife dies giving birth to Lawyer-Dude's baby (despite having aborted Hot Illegitimate's)

Dee says: I think, right about then, Catatonic Chick wakes up and finally connects with her hidden Weather Control abilities and runs out to the cliffs to draw Evil Hubby to his death by hitting him with lightening and tossing him into the sea far, far, far below where his body is never recovered and though she marries Hot Illegitimate (who's parents finally marry after Evil Harridan is dead), she never stops looking over her shoulder, sure that someone is watching...and waiting...

Lorie says: lol of course, lawyer dude

Dee says: oh, Lawyer Dude raises his daughter in peace--he never gets any ever again

Lorie says: lol

Dee says: I forgot what happens to "Completely Unnecessary and Oblivious" Sister, though

Lorie says: lol

Dee says: I'm pretty sure she gets raped and tries to steal Catatonic Chick's schtick

Dee says: the bitch

Lorie says: lol

Dee says: I dare anyone to have MORE conflict and less plot than THAT book!

Now, Lorie says she had a horrid Sci-Fi that could rival the terrifying cheesy smell of the above stinker. Bring me your worst, your smelliest, your over-erotic, your under-plot developed! See who might have the worst possible, actually somewhat written book hiding under their bed, from any age and I will offer you a cool graphic for your blog to tout as Queen Of Cheese for a Week!


Anonymous said...

Cynthia writes:

Don't have a blog, so I wouldn't have any place to show off your cool graphic, but your story reminded me of a couple of real horror stories, one of which is still lurking in my files. Maybe I should burn it?

Story number one was an epic penned (literally on college-ruled paper with Papermate blue ink) in high school, featuring the hottest guy teachers ever imagined (God knows they were fiction, b/c they weren't at MY school!) all drooling in turn over a demure, can't-imagine-what-she-did to turn their heads gal. It was written in first person, with wildly shifting POV, an idea I got from the few soaps I was allowed to watch (we're talking a handful of episodes, mind you.) It was completely pantsered, which meant it wouldn't have had a plot if I'd surgically inserted one. But it DID have tons and tons of the hottest scenes that Papermate could scratch out.

Cheesy novel 2 was written, again, with college rule paper and Papermate ink. This was a college effort and somewhat more polished, in that I sort of had a plot. It was about a guy and a gal who get into an awkward situation after she says no with her panties in her hand. He leaves and joins the Army, which ends the prologue. The book started with him returning home to find that the shy gal he'd left was now hot-de-trot and working with his dad in the mechanics' shop he owned.

Only problem was that I made the dad so hot that the gal fell for HIM, and I wound up making a convoluted story about a weird three-way triangle (b/c of COURSE she was irresistable as a real NY cheesecake! Or chocolate! and the cousin loved her too)

Yep ... I should burn it (the first one did get burnt, actually, after my mom threatened to see what exactly I had tucked in that three ring binder I carried everywhere and scribbled in incessantly ... Alas, it was no great loss to the literary world!)

Lorie Hartt said...

The Queen of Cheese huh? LOL

As dubious an honour as that is I'll still share my overcooked tale. ;)

The girl was an alien, from a royal family at that, and here on earth b/c she had to go into hiding until she was old enough to fulfill her conquering role in "The Prophesy".

She was a telepath, and telekentic and she had amnesia. She was adopted by a human man who just happened to be rich enough he could hide her from the scientists, but his son, who she'd spurned, knew she was "off".

Her presense on earth had been unplanned, because the ship she'd been travelling on (which just happened to be captained by the hero's big brother) didn't survive the attack by the bad guys who'd been looking for her. She, of course, was the sole survivor.

Her status as missing had, naturally, sparked a war between the hero's planet and her own, despite the on going threat from the bad guys.

When the hero's ship has to make a pit stop landing on earth to do repairs and the hero discovers her living there he decides to fetch her home and end the war, much to the dismay of the human's son, who still harbours hope and a pentagon connection.

LOL, is that enough yet? I haven't even gotten them into space. Thank god the hard drive ate that story. :D

Dee said...

Cynthia--LOL, you'll prolly be grateful for that lack of a blog when I complete the Queen of Cheese graphic, lol.

Ahhhh, Papermate! I knew ye well!! I have to admit, book 2 still has some possibility in my head, lol! Alas, lol, those are both short of the massively bad smelling landslide of conflict as Faith, lol. But definitely a good try! (PS--sorry I'm taking so long getting back to you on that email! I'm slime, I AM! But I should have some time today!)

Lorie: "She was a telepath, and telekentic and she had amnesia."

ROFL, that girl must have a serious headache! But does she have way over the top conflict? I mean, hero has a goal for her, pentagon boy has some pull for her. But what does she want? LOL (and no, that's not permission to work on it! LOL!)


Anonymous said...

Cynthia writes:

Lorie, LOL ... just reading through your short little snippet of a synop leaves my old head reeling like I'm trying to do mental long-division!

But you know ... sometimes in the overblown stuff (I'm thinking of Dee saying "maybe" on novel #2), there's a good idea buried in the avalanche of high drama ...

And Dee my synop of both of mine are way too kind ... you would have HAD to read a bit of each. Your eyes would have rolled right out of your head and bounced twice on the floor!

Looking forward to that e-mail whenever you get a chance!

Shesawriter said...


My head is about to explode just reading all that. LOL! My goodness! I'm basically having the same issues. Having to go back and rework stuff. It's a pain in the butt.