Wednesday, August 17, 2005

The Last Place You'd Like To See: Inside Dee's Mind

So, it's Wednesday and I'm just desperately trying to figure out something to blog about.

I always tell my sisters that I don't write letters really well or often because I just don't do much of interest to anyone else. So, I will spend my Wednesday by filling you in on my meandering brain.

Wake up, check.
Try with all your effort to go back to sleep, check.
Admit defeat when you realize the boy is awake already,check.
Start blogging and blog hopping...uh...

Well, I did some hopping. Just light, to wake me up. I find that if I'm falling down sleepy at any point in the day, I can blog hop or, now, thank the Lord, football is back in swing. Sure, all their talking about is what temper tantrum the maniacally insecure T.O. is throwing and how this will either cost the Eagles the Superbowl, a lot of money or both. (I'm going to put my five bucks in that they will pay him. They want those rings too badly.) (Oh, and they are SO not going back to the 'Bowl, not this way.)

Anyhow, I'm eagerly awaiting the first Charger game of the preseason that shows on regular television because I'm not only a fan, I'm a cheap fan. No cable and the buggers played their last game on ESPN. Have they no respect for people who don't want to pay 50 bucks a month for tv? I've got an antennae and netflicks. I am a happy girl. MOST of the time.

In other odd news, I can't find my keys. Normally, I wouldn't say that in public, but it's driving me bonkers. I keep losing things this week. I fully expect for them to show up in a pair of pants or something stupid like that. I've obviously been playing hide and seek with myself lately and I'm SO tired of it. Maybe if I curl up under my brand new duvet I'll feel better!

LOL, yes, that thing I've been dreaming of forever has finally occurred. Hubby and I went to IKEA and there was a cheap duvet and a not so cheap cover, but it's worth it. We haven't bought a new bedspread in ten years, so this is my anniversary present...three months early. (Hopefully, this means three months of celebration!)

So, look upon the gorgeousness of my beautiful new blankie!

Isn't it LOVELY?? So cuddly and SOFT!

Oh, but look at the embroidery!

Yes, I'm gushing, gimme a break, it's been ten years since I did this!

Oh, and I'm in the throes of full blown baby fever. Again. Last night I had yet another dream of having just had a baby. I realized upon waking up that this baby felt exactly like my son when he was that size, so it was mostly just memories tormenting me. My husband seems to understand that this is hard for me, but sometimes I wonder if he realizes that it's almost painful for me. He mentioned that I might just want another baby because I want a new puppy, kind of thing. Something cute and new and I'm going to be tired of it when it's not fun anymore.

Because I got tired of the LAST kid? I asked him. And no, Moo drives me nuts at times, but every mother goes through that. He's seven. It's his JOB. Am I insane to want another baby when I'm finally getting time to work on my career? To have a quiet cup of tea and financial security looks like it might be only a few more years away? Of course I am, but I can't seem to get my heart to figure that out. Or my head. The only one that is on course is my stubborn, lazy, not good for much but discomfort uterus. Hubby has finally figured out that the endometriosis means that the already short term use of the big U has an even shorter use. But that doesn't mean we can add on another kid right now. And ultimately, I think I'll have to come to terms with the fact that despite hubby's somewhat stated desire for another child (and yet, happy bliss with the status quo), we will probably not have another one.

But that's just too depressing to accept right now.

The good news is that I'm back on my exercise bike. I'm back to my 8 mile minimum, 5 days a week. I'm even on that Special K 2 bowls of cereal a day diet. I will capture and shrink The Ass That Defies Weight Loss. And, if all else fails, I have a steak knife and a vaccuum. I'm sure SOMEthing can be done. :)

Well, that about covers the state of my brain today. Which means there's only one question left to ask.

Are you all right?


Just Nicki said...

Nice bedspread Dee!!

We've got a new one for the new house. Itching to get it out of the packet too.

There is never a 'right' financial time to have a child. Look at us, we signed up for a new house when I was pregnant with Zane. Insane I tell you. LOL

I hope you are able to have another beautiful baby.

Dee said...

LOL, thanks Nicki. I know that about having kids. I really do, but even if I could get hubby in on the deal, lol, there is stubborn, lazy body to deal with. Healthwise, I'm not in a position where it would be smart or even sane to get preggers. Shoot, it might not even be possible.

But you never know. And of course, I have no intention of not practicing, lol!


MaryF said...

Dee, I know just what you mean about wanting another baby, and my son is 14! Am I nuts? But then, it prolly won't happen.

I really enjoy your blog!

Dee said...

Hey Thanks Mary! I appreciate that! I peeked at your blog too, you're a Gerard Butler fan too? I saw him while channel surfing when he did Atilla and fell deeply, madly in love. Then when I realized he had a Scottish brogue, it was all over. LOL!

Big smooches,

Lyn Cash said...

that bed cover is something to dream on. (sigh) and even the older women have baby fever and unrealized dreams. at 45 when i had my hyst, i knew i didn't WANT another child, but i resented that cancer deprived me of the choice, nonetheless. all good things in god's time, though. and i'd rather have the experience, pain and all, than to have felt nothing and not grown.