Friday, January 13, 2006

Friday Funnies

First things first, I'm posting notes about some seriously good book prizes in my Special Event's feature, so look to the right for details and a link.

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Now, as I've bragged continually, I am moving. Thus, I've already packed many of the non-essentials. Moo's stuffed animals, toys, books. Videos, linens and keepsakes. My books....

Now, I didn't think this would be a problem, until yesterday Moo opened my vault/cabinet and gasped, horrified. "Mommy! No Books! Where Books?? Mommy!!!"

I have yet to figure out if this worse for me or for him.

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So, last night when I was working, it was pointed out on the message boards that I had referred to myself as a cow. As you no doubt know, I do this kind of a lot. I have something of a self-depricating humor. This isn't to say I believe everything I say about myself--though I am rather mooish--just that I'm really, really comfy with myself. Still, I was scolded. Not sure that I feel bad, but I sure don't know what to do with it when people try to shore up my pathetic self-esteem in response. I mean, call me fat or something and I know how to handle it (with my foot up their ass). Call me pretty and I'm pretty sure you're up to something and I grab a knife. Take a nice middle ground and say, "Oh, you look nice" and I'll probably love you forever (Look at hubby, he said something like that once and the man never saw freedom again.).

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And, last but not least, a joke or two from the former boss. Lubs ya, Richard!

A CLASSIC

Two little boys in second grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play.

The first little boy was to say, " My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."

The second little boy was to reply by saying,
"Hark!, a pistol shot."

Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.

The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.

The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words....."My fair maiden......... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap."

The second boy screams out..... "Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit........ I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway!!"

The audience left howling.

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Interesting facts...and a warning!

Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died

Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died

Lesson Learned? - the next time Charles gets married, someone warn the Pope.

4 comments:

April Joleen said...

OMG loved the joke, thanks for sharing. I needed a good laugh today.

Shesawriter said...

Great one, Dee. Warn the Pope. LOL! Oh, and stop calling yourself a cow! >:-|

Tanya

Dee said...

Can I still moo? :) LOL!

But cow has so many lovely connotations. Whiner. Evil person. PITA. These are qualities I love about myself, lol. Cute and fuzzy with just a small pair of horns. :) Not bad, really. :)

Moooooooo!
Dee

April said...

Thanks for sharing the jokes! Too cute.

My bestfriend loves cows too. She thinks they're cute and cuddly, she doesn't see them as big and oversized, which is what most people think of. Maybe we need to work on the image of cows ;-).