Saturday, December 10, 2005

Hmmmms from The Old Boss

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me.....they're cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"

5 comments:

Shesawriter said...

My two favortes:

"Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? ...As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS""

ROFLMAO! You're something else. LOL!

Tanya

Dee said...

:) Well, I try. Wish I could take credit, lol, but I can't. :) Gotta love the old boss. :)

Smooches,
Dee

Lyn Cash said...

OMG - lol. I haven't heard some of those in ages and some of them not at all.

You really must show me the html to add photos to the sidebar some day, chick.

Hope you're having a great day. (Just read today's blog and enjoyed it. That boy of yours has his mama's sense of humor, I'd say).

hugs...

Jaye said...

Very cute. lol.

Liz Fielding said...

Love these, Dee, but I only learned to swear when I started to play golf!