As I sit here on my couch, having a rare sit down with hubby while we watch G4, the anime channel, I'm reflecting on how our year has gone. So much good, so much bad, so much just changing. But I'm grateful for all of it.
I'm also so excited for next year. There's so many possibilities ahead of us and good times ahead.
Here's wishing you and yours a great holiday and wonderful new year!
Dee
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wookin' Pa' Twubul...
In my quest to return to daily blogging--and God help me, back to blog READING--I allowed myself a bit of time to go looking around the blogsphere. Usually, there's a ton of things to get riled about, but believe it or not, even the Blogsphere grows quiet for the holidays. Not many ranters out there--though, I have to admit, I may not know quite where to look. Basically, it was a good Christmas and most people are content.
Or too frickin drunk to post.
So, I'm going to leave you with today's Online Fortune Cookie (this thing is really cool, I highly recommend it for procrastinating measures):
Many recieve advice, but only the wise profit from it.
But I didn't feel that one really worked for me, so I tried again:
The time is right to make new friends.
Which I think takes me back to trolling blogs...but just for kicks, one more try:
Many recieve advice, but only the wise profit from it.
I'm not making that up, it actually came back. Hmmm...think the interverse is trying to tell me sumpin?
naaaaaaaaah!
LOL, in more important, breaking news, my Belfry buddy and fellow hosty, Kris Starr just sold to Ellora's Cave!! Woohoo Kris!!! Giant congrats and all my best wishes for the future!!
Happy New Year!!
Dee
Or too frickin drunk to post.
So, I'm going to leave you with today's Online Fortune Cookie (this thing is really cool, I highly recommend it for procrastinating measures):
But I didn't feel that one really worked for me, so I tried again:
Which I think takes me back to trolling blogs...but just for kicks, one more try:
I'm not making that up, it actually came back. Hmmm...think the interverse is trying to tell me sumpin?
naaaaaaaaah!
LOL, in more important, breaking news, my Belfry buddy and fellow hosty, Kris Starr just sold to Ellora's Cave!! Woohoo Kris!!! Giant congrats and all my best wishes for the future!!
Happy New Year!!
Dee
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Promises, promises...
I keep making them, to myself and to others, thinking I have the slightest clue what I'm doing. I keep most of them. It's just the little ones that are driving me bonkers. Let's go to bed early...I'll copy that disc and get it right off to you...I just need five more minutes and I'll take care of that thing for you...I'll blog every day...I'm GOING to do my blog rounds today, definitely....
Is it the holidays? Or is it just me? Am I just tired of doing and want to sit for a bit? I often wonder if that's just too much to ask. But I have loads of laundry awaiting me and a full days work and I'm thinking, yeah, it probably is.
Is anyone else having trouble fitting their life into their day, and yet, when people ask what you're up to, do you find yourself saying, "Oh, nothing interesting." Or maybe it's just that I'm spending all my time trying to figure out HOW to do everything instead of just doing it.
And is anyone writing?
Is it the holidays? Or is it just me? Am I just tired of doing and want to sit for a bit? I often wonder if that's just too much to ask. But I have loads of laundry awaiting me and a full days work and I'm thinking, yeah, it probably is.
Is anyone else having trouble fitting their life into their day, and yet, when people ask what you're up to, do you find yourself saying, "Oh, nothing interesting." Or maybe it's just that I'm spending all my time trying to figure out HOW to do everything instead of just doing it.
And is anyone writing?
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
TTT: The Four Horsemen Pt 3--The Long Synopsis
This is perhaps the fuzziest of all the synopses, because while it's the most specific, it's also the least trained. Generally, the long synopsis is the tool of the published author and thus not deeply needed for the submitting writer. So no one really gets into it the way they should. I'm not sure I'm about to get into it the way I should, but I do want to make this point perfectly clear: When you start advancing to revision/rejection and out of form letter status, you should consider learning not only this tool of the trade.
I find that with Long Synops, it's hardly ever what it is...but what it isn't, that sets it apart. Keep these points in mind whenever you get the urge to send one along.
What A Long Synop ISN'T:
• less than five pages
• single spaced
• short on details
• short on characterization, motivation or conclusion
You will be laying out your story, truncated, yes, but with plenty of information and plenty of pages. How many you use is often dictated by category. Because, you see, the Long Synop is your big gun. The ammo is expensive and hard to get, so the key to knowing when to use it...is knowing when not to.
When NOT to use one:
• with your initial query letter
• without a specific request from an editor
• when giving a pitch of any kind
But how the hell do you write it, right?
The average long synop is 5-10 pages. This kind is utilized most often and it's the one I heartily recommend. There are authors who write as much as a 30 page long synop. I would not do this unless you've hashed it out with your editor exactly how much detail she would like. She will not welcome a book on your book without an invitation. Also, always double space your long synopsis. I can't say that loud enough. Unless you're dealing with someone who has given you specific instructions to single space, double should be your default. We whine about reading a lot, but no one reads more than an editor. Don't drive them to blindness.
If you've been following this series, you'll realize that you need the previous step to achieve the best results with your synopses. You've inserted voice and interest into the short synopsis--which should really never be more than two pages. My recommended route is to build from your short synopsis. All of your needed elements are already there, as is your story outline. All that is needed are the words we love to say: details.
This is not "padding". You aren't looking just to inflate your word count. You are "layering"--adding details of emotional response, sexual attraction, plot motivators, etc. Read each line of your current short synop and see where you can fill in more blanks. For example, long synopses are where editors get the skinny on your secondary characters--who are they, what role to they fill in your character's lives?--as well as learning more about any particular villain. This is not to say you should go buck wild and tell us their childhood food aversions, but finally, you are able to explain what their purpose is. (And if you can't find one...you need to go back to that ms.) Keep in mind that you will still need to maintain your tone and much of your concise sentence structure and you should be fine.
Now, some authors actually use quotes from the ms to illustrate points of interest. If used sparingly--pretend it costs you a hundred dollars every time you do it--this is acceptable. However, the caveats are as follows:
• Be sure it's worth quoting--doesn't move the story forward, don't use it.
• If you have less than ten pages in your synop, don't use it. Believe it or not, you just don't have the space.
If you layer your short synopsis correctly, you should have a nice long synopsis that already contains all of your required elements along with the complete ending. Should you have an epilogue you didn't add into the short, this is the time to put it in. Double check for flow, tone and voice and get it out the door. Few things will ruin a synopsis faster than time to obsess. If you have a CP, run it past them. This should not be a 6 pass event. Once, maybe twice if drastic changes are needed (and if you had a complete short synop, they shouldn't be) is all that you need.
The final tip about synops: They are NEVER more important than the book. A selling tool, a skill to be desired, yes. But if you put as much time and energy into the synop as you do the book, you won't have a chance to sell it. Write it good, write it right, write it gone.
Then get onto the next project. :)
I find that with Long Synops, it's hardly ever what it is...but what it isn't, that sets it apart. Keep these points in mind whenever you get the urge to send one along.
What A Long Synop ISN'T:
• less than five pages
• single spaced
• short on details
• short on characterization, motivation or conclusion
You will be laying out your story, truncated, yes, but with plenty of information and plenty of pages. How many you use is often dictated by category. Because, you see, the Long Synop is your big gun. The ammo is expensive and hard to get, so the key to knowing when to use it...is knowing when not to.
When NOT to use one:
• with your initial query letter
• without a specific request from an editor
• when giving a pitch of any kind
But how the hell do you write it, right?
The average long synop is 5-10 pages. This kind is utilized most often and it's the one I heartily recommend. There are authors who write as much as a 30 page long synop. I would not do this unless you've hashed it out with your editor exactly how much detail she would like. She will not welcome a book on your book without an invitation. Also, always double space your long synopsis. I can't say that loud enough. Unless you're dealing with someone who has given you specific instructions to single space, double should be your default. We whine about reading a lot, but no one reads more than an editor. Don't drive them to blindness.
If you've been following this series, you'll realize that you need the previous step to achieve the best results with your synopses. You've inserted voice and interest into the short synopsis--which should really never be more than two pages. My recommended route is to build from your short synopsis. All of your needed elements are already there, as is your story outline. All that is needed are the words we love to say: details.
This is not "padding". You aren't looking just to inflate your word count. You are "layering"--adding details of emotional response, sexual attraction, plot motivators, etc. Read each line of your current short synop and see where you can fill in more blanks. For example, long synopses are where editors get the skinny on your secondary characters--who are they, what role to they fill in your character's lives?--as well as learning more about any particular villain. This is not to say you should go buck wild and tell us their childhood food aversions, but finally, you are able to explain what their purpose is. (And if you can't find one...you need to go back to that ms.) Keep in mind that you will still need to maintain your tone and much of your concise sentence structure and you should be fine.
Now, some authors actually use quotes from the ms to illustrate points of interest. If used sparingly--pretend it costs you a hundred dollars every time you do it--this is acceptable. However, the caveats are as follows:
• Be sure it's worth quoting--doesn't move the story forward, don't use it.
• If you have less than ten pages in your synop, don't use it. Believe it or not, you just don't have the space.
If you layer your short synopsis correctly, you should have a nice long synopsis that already contains all of your required elements along with the complete ending. Should you have an epilogue you didn't add into the short, this is the time to put it in. Double check for flow, tone and voice and get it out the door. Few things will ruin a synopsis faster than time to obsess. If you have a CP, run it past them. This should not be a 6 pass event. Once, maybe twice if drastic changes are needed (and if you had a complete short synop, they shouldn't be) is all that you need.
The final tip about synops: They are NEVER more important than the book. A selling tool, a skill to be desired, yes. But if you put as much time and energy into the synop as you do the book, you won't have a chance to sell it. Write it good, write it right, write it gone.
Then get onto the next project. :)
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Well, Crap...
Okay, it's not happening today. This close to Christmas, I'm afraid that it's not coming off this week, either. WHINE.
Many apologies, but I owe y'all.
Dee
Many apologies, but I owe y'all.
Dee
Delay Post
Hi Everyone!
First, thanks for helping me hit 5000 page views!! I'm really ridiculously happy about that one, lol!
Second, due to powers beyond my control, I have to be out of my house until tonight. They're doing work on my apartment. BUT, I'll post the final 4 Horsemen post tonight! Promise! To make it up to you, my friend sent me this and it's too damn funny to miss! You need Windows Media Viewer to see it, but trust me, it's TOTALLY worth it! Thanks Marcy!!
Wife Meets Girlfriend
Smooches all!
Dee
First, thanks for helping me hit 5000 page views!! I'm really ridiculously happy about that one, lol!
Second, due to powers beyond my control, I have to be out of my house until tonight. They're doing work on my apartment. BUT, I'll post the final 4 Horsemen post tonight! Promise! To make it up to you, my friend sent me this and it's too damn funny to miss! You need Windows Media Viewer to see it, but trust me, it's TOTALLY worth it! Thanks Marcy!!
Wife Meets Girlfriend
Smooches all!
Dee
Monday, December 12, 2005
Monday Mooing
My Chargers! WAAAAH! They lose, to the Dolphins of all people. Granted, there's some sort of curse against the D's ever since beating them up in 1982, but come on. I blame one thing: The Offensive line just couldn't hold a drop of water. Not that I don't love them, but perhaps too many injuries and trading off of guys finally caught up. Not sure. I just hope this inspires them to beat Indy. I just don't know if they're still ahead in the wild card placement. I mean, come on, why couldn't Pittsburgh lose? Just for me. Don't they owe me? *nailbiting* (Just caught SportCenter...Pittsburgh just one upped us for the wildcard slot. Sorry Rae, have to hope them a few losses!)
Spent the weekend with some technical work and a surprise visit to my mother's yesterday. Moo got to hang out with his cousin--one of the only three boys in our family--which just made his lifetime. We finally got a few of the small presents wrapped and under the tree. The boy spent a good half hour under the tree trying to hug them all at once.
Big News:
1) My son is a smart ass. He's witty, but there's limitations to that because he doesn't quite have all the nuance that I fear he will in a few years. So, he's just been served a mini-pizza and it's hot like you wouldn't believe. He touches it, desperate to try it, but dropps it because, yes Mom, it really MIGHT still be on fire. I tell him to blow on it first. Puff. Puff. OW!!! So, I say, "Count to ten first." What does the fruit of my loins say? "Ok. One. To. Ten." Fingers were burned but pizza was good.
2) The boy ate a hamburger. A whole one. With a bun! I make a lot of effort not to have a reaction when he eats something he normally wouldn't touch with his life on the line. Plus, he ate apple. APPLE! Fresh one! He even chewed it! I'm in Mommy Heaven!!
Hope you all had as interesting a weekend as me!
Dee
(Sidenote: Coming up on the 5000th click on this blog! How's that for cool??)
Spent the weekend with some technical work and a surprise visit to my mother's yesterday. Moo got to hang out with his cousin--one of the only three boys in our family--which just made his lifetime. We finally got a few of the small presents wrapped and under the tree. The boy spent a good half hour under the tree trying to hug them all at once.
Big News:
1) My son is a smart ass. He's witty, but there's limitations to that because he doesn't quite have all the nuance that I fear he will in a few years. So, he's just been served a mini-pizza and it's hot like you wouldn't believe. He touches it, desperate to try it, but dropps it because, yes Mom, it really MIGHT still be on fire. I tell him to blow on it first. Puff. Puff. OW!!! So, I say, "Count to ten first." What does the fruit of my loins say? "Ok. One. To. Ten." Fingers were burned but pizza was good.
2) The boy ate a hamburger. A whole one. With a bun! I make a lot of effort not to have a reaction when he eats something he normally wouldn't touch with his life on the line. Plus, he ate apple. APPLE! Fresh one! He even chewed it! I'm in Mommy Heaven!!
Hope you all had as interesting a weekend as me!
Dee
(Sidenote: Coming up on the 5000th click on this blog! How's that for cool??)
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Hmmmms from The Old Boss
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me.....they're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me.....they're cramming for their final exam.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Thursday Ramblings
Okay, so I have emptied out my apartment and I'm casually waiting for the carpet cleaners to arrive and erase more than a years worth of Moostomps and spills. I scrubbed most out, but let's face it, I've been lazy this year. Too much time on my back meant not enough on my knees. (Hmmm, if I had a dirty mind, that might sound bad...for hubby.)
Anyhow, I'm off to spend a few hours at the local coffee shop. I have managed to get my fat butt back on the bike. I'm taking it really easy at a max of 6 miles before I fall off and beg for death. Whatever baby I have someday is not going to want me to be unhealthier than I already am. And who knows, maybe the exercise won't trigger the agony when I'm off the pills. We'll see.
That about covers my whining today. Am hoping to schedule some time to write. The plan is to take the rejected Lonnigans and edit them upward to the 75k size for Blaze. I really think they could do well there--Frisky, unique and emotional. I'm still editing Vetta in EC hopes. And I'm pretty sure that Betting Hearts will need some working over prior to it's release date. I know it needs a bit more fleshing to the tune of 4k (I thought it was 60k, but it turns out it's a bit shy, but that's okay, there's room to polish.) So, my writing future is planned out. :)
Off until tomorrow!
And for those who need some tickled funny bones, here's a lil treat sent from my old boss:
AIRLINE CABIN ANNOUNCEMENTS
Here are some real examples of airline attendants making an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. But please do not leave children or spouses."
13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, TX, on a particularly windy and bumpy day when, during final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extrememly hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate."
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open ! the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Anyhow, I'm off to spend a few hours at the local coffee shop. I have managed to get my fat butt back on the bike. I'm taking it really easy at a max of 6 miles before I fall off and beg for death. Whatever baby I have someday is not going to want me to be unhealthier than I already am. And who knows, maybe the exercise won't trigger the agony when I'm off the pills. We'll see.
That about covers my whining today. Am hoping to schedule some time to write. The plan is to take the rejected Lonnigans and edit them upward to the 75k size for Blaze. I really think they could do well there--Frisky, unique and emotional. I'm still editing Vetta in EC hopes. And I'm pretty sure that Betting Hearts will need some working over prior to it's release date. I know it needs a bit more fleshing to the tune of 4k (I thought it was 60k, but it turns out it's a bit shy, but that's okay, there's room to polish.) So, my writing future is planned out. :)
Off until tomorrow!
And for those who need some tickled funny bones, here's a lil treat sent from my old boss:
AIRLINE CABIN ANNOUNCEMENTS
Here are some real examples of airline attendants making an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.
4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"
5. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
11. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
12. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. But please do not leave children or spouses."
13. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
14. Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
15. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, TX, on a particularly windy and bumpy day when, during final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extrememly hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate."
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
17. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
18. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open ! the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
19. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."
20. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
21. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
TTT: Four Horsemen Pt 2
Ahhhh, the Apocalypse continues.
The Third Horseman of our evil writing duties is the Short Synopsis. Now, if you remember our last two examples, you'll see how each grew from the previous by adding a bit more information. Your key ingredients of Hook, Character, Conflict must be present in all, and right from the get-go. But, where the logline is about the mainest character, the blurb should be a paragraph each about both core characters. Heroine is usually first because the editors know that readers need to relate to the heroine. (Courtesy of Brenda Chin: "The reader MUST relate to the heroine and fall in love with the hero." This is a golden rule of romance. Learn it. Live it. Love it. And just to keep this difficult, both of these things need to happen as early as possible. First chapter. No "Eventually we'll get to know her". No "We'll be in love with him at the end". This is part of your unspoken hook. If the reader doesn't connect with your characters immediately, they won't keep reading. Period.)
I'm going to give credit where credit is due and admit that I didn't come up with this next step. Your favorite naughty girl and mine Lyn Cash did it. I am admittedly not smart enough to have figured out how to make the jump from good blurb to good synop. I have sucked--without vacation--for 8 years at writing synops. Just could never get it together. She's the briliant one. I'm just the loud one.
Now, to start your short synop, you can pick up your blurb and call that the first two paragraphs. There are some rules, reportedly, to writing synops. I'm no great purveyor of rules. They blind you to your own instincts in my own opinion, but some of them are there for purely common sense purposes. We're going to include those here:
Things you need to know and put into your synnop:
1) What is the situation?: Let us know who your characters are at the start of the story and what they are into that's going to make their lives difficult and why they are willing to enter this adventure. "Candy store owner Elizabeth Clarke is in trouble, Bickner Chocolates is claiming she stole a formula from them and she can't prove she didn't."
2) Plot points: Create a list of the main plot twists: "Elizabeth goes undercover at Bickner to discover who is stealing her recipes; She's caught by security, who agrees to help her after hearing her plight; Elizabeth discovers the traitor and turns them in." No details. Simply the order in which the most important aspects of the situation happen. Make a separate list for both primary characters.
3) Turning Points: People define these differently. To me, a TP is the point that twists the relationship in a new direction. These are usually separate from the plot points, but can coincide. Make a list of them, you should have a minimum of four in any complete novel:
The Meet: Introducing the characters changes something for both of them--new course.
• 1st Change: When they discover something about one another that changes their original impression--he sees a moment of her humanity instead of her career driven desperation. she sees a kindness in him that is at odds with the hard ass schmuck he's been so far--OR overturning previous positive impression--she discovers he's friends with her enemy, he learns she's a vindictive cow.
• 2nd Change: Accepting that the other is not so bad because they are forced by their situation to deal with one another or simply accepting their sexual attraction and acting on it, despite believing the other person is less than stellar.
• 3rd Change: The Black Moment. The party is over. Faced once again with eachother's shortcomings--or percieved shortcomings--the pair will part and learn what life is like without the other. Mind you, they should definitely NOT enjoy this period. If they do, you're doing something wrong.
• 4th Change: Resolution. Having despised life alone, they come back together with acceptance and change from both parties. This is your happy ending.
There are multiple combinations of this list, The Meet and 1st Change often are combined, or 1st and 2nd Change are combined. Or, you can do all five. It's up to you, but you should have an exact list of what each point is for them as a couple.
Now, your job is to combine all of these events in a fast, subjective and punchy set of paragraphs (alternating who you're discussing by para) to create a page of synopsis.
Things to avoid putting in your short synopsis:
• Secondary and especially Tertiary Characters: Don't need em, don't want em. Leave em out. Trust me.
• Details: We don't even really need to know what city they live in. That includes what color hair, how tall, why they're pysically attracted to each other. Nada.
• Padding words: Though, but, and, actually, Then, So. You're adding word count and really, you don't have the room. One or two isn't a bad thing. But definitely try to keep them out of your sentence structures.
Now, how do we combine all of this crap I've dumped on you? You write sentences that cover a LOT of ground. You're not here to be fancy or flowy. You're here to get the story out concise and with a little bit of your voice. But the key word is PUNCHY. Nothing long, nothing artful. Get to the point and move on. Move from plot point to plot point, intersperse with turning points where they come in the course of the story. Add a little bit of the tone and remember to stay in present tense.
Here's an example:
Candy store owner Elizabeth Clarke is in trouble, Bickner Chocolates claims she stole a formula from them and she can't prove she didn't. Unable to decide which of her dedicated workers has sold her recipe to the chocolate mogul, Elizabeth decides to infiltrate the company herself--until she's caught by a security guard on overnight duty...at least, that's what he looks like.
Undercover agent Russ Stover's luck couldn't be worse. The night he's waited months for is being blown by a loopy candy cook with delusions of theivery. Rather than start all over, he takes her with him to uncover how the choco-magnate is secreting out drugs with their sweet treats. But how is a guy supposed to do his duty when there's a sugar coated redhead next to him, ready to eat?
Elizabeth refuses to be sidetracked by Russ's refusal to explain what he's up to. Getting away from him, she finds the research dept, unknowingly setting off alarms before finding proof that her dearest friend has betrayed her. Russ rescues her from the factory before they can be caught, but at the cost of his own case. Elizabeth's guilt compounds her hurt and she offers to do what she can to make it up to Russ. Whatever she can...
Taking advantage of Elizabeth's guilt isn't really what Russ wants to do, but neither is going to bed alone. Besides, Elizabeth's former employee is just the person he needs to get back into Bickner's illegal activities. What's wrong with mixing some business with sweet pleasure? The only problem is, the more tastes he gets of Elizabeth, the less interested he is in catching the bad guys. Until she finds out that she's little more than a means to an end. Then Russ is on his backside on her curb and sweetness is nothing more than a bitter memory.
Not liking to see how empty his life is without Elizabeth--or admit it was empty before her--Russ throws himself into his work. But Bickners isn't about to leave a loose end like Elizabeth alone and now the only way to protect her is to put them away. Making use of her former employee, Russ invades the factory once more and unearths the drug supply hidden within. The Bickner's venture is over. Elizabeth is safe. So why does he still want to see her?
Elizabeth's life hasn't been going so well. Missing Russ, having trouble trusting her new employee, she's none-too-thrilled when the press hoardes her to ask about the fall of Bickners. Learning the truth of the takedown--and Russ's part in it--Elizabeth rushes to his apartment to find him. He's surprised to see her, but he won't let her apologize. He admits he was wrong to hide his case from her and to let her think she meant nothing more to him. Elizabeth offers a second chance, for both of them. He still has his sweet tooth and she's sure she has a lifetime's worth of sugar to keep him satisfied. Russ is too busy sampling the goods to even think about arguing.
Now, I'm not callling it nobel peace prize winning, but it gets the story across in a single page. Sunny's rule of thumb, 1-100k book=1 page short synnop. If you go over that, you're going on too long. Keep it short, keep it sweet. You'll see better results.
Next week: The Long Synopsis
The Third Horseman of our evil writing duties is the Short Synopsis. Now, if you remember our last two examples, you'll see how each grew from the previous by adding a bit more information. Your key ingredients of Hook, Character, Conflict must be present in all, and right from the get-go. But, where the logline is about the mainest character, the blurb should be a paragraph each about both core characters. Heroine is usually first because the editors know that readers need to relate to the heroine. (Courtesy of Brenda Chin: "The reader MUST relate to the heroine and fall in love with the hero." This is a golden rule of romance. Learn it. Live it. Love it. And just to keep this difficult, both of these things need to happen as early as possible. First chapter. No "Eventually we'll get to know her". No "We'll be in love with him at the end". This is part of your unspoken hook. If the reader doesn't connect with your characters immediately, they won't keep reading. Period.)
I'm going to give credit where credit is due and admit that I didn't come up with this next step. Your favorite naughty girl and mine Lyn Cash did it. I am admittedly not smart enough to have figured out how to make the jump from good blurb to good synop. I have sucked--without vacation--for 8 years at writing synops. Just could never get it together. She's the briliant one. I'm just the loud one.
Now, to start your short synop, you can pick up your blurb and call that the first two paragraphs. There are some rules, reportedly, to writing synops. I'm no great purveyor of rules. They blind you to your own instincts in my own opinion, but some of them are there for purely common sense purposes. We're going to include those here:
Things you need to know and put into your synnop:
1) What is the situation?: Let us know who your characters are at the start of the story and what they are into that's going to make their lives difficult and why they are willing to enter this adventure. "Candy store owner Elizabeth Clarke is in trouble, Bickner Chocolates is claiming she stole a formula from them and she can't prove she didn't."
2) Plot points: Create a list of the main plot twists: "Elizabeth goes undercover at Bickner to discover who is stealing her recipes; She's caught by security, who agrees to help her after hearing her plight; Elizabeth discovers the traitor and turns them in." No details. Simply the order in which the most important aspects of the situation happen. Make a separate list for both primary characters.
3) Turning Points: People define these differently. To me, a TP is the point that twists the relationship in a new direction. These are usually separate from the plot points, but can coincide. Make a list of them, you should have a minimum of four in any complete novel:
The Meet: Introducing the characters changes something for both of them--new course.
• 1st Change: When they discover something about one another that changes their original impression--he sees a moment of her humanity instead of her career driven desperation. she sees a kindness in him that is at odds with the hard ass schmuck he's been so far--OR overturning previous positive impression--she discovers he's friends with her enemy, he learns she's a vindictive cow.
• 2nd Change: Accepting that the other is not so bad because they are forced by their situation to deal with one another or simply accepting their sexual attraction and acting on it, despite believing the other person is less than stellar.
• 3rd Change: The Black Moment. The party is over. Faced once again with eachother's shortcomings--or percieved shortcomings--the pair will part and learn what life is like without the other. Mind you, they should definitely NOT enjoy this period. If they do, you're doing something wrong.
• 4th Change: Resolution. Having despised life alone, they come back together with acceptance and change from both parties. This is your happy ending.
There are multiple combinations of this list, The Meet and 1st Change often are combined, or 1st and 2nd Change are combined. Or, you can do all five. It's up to you, but you should have an exact list of what each point is for them as a couple.
Now, your job is to combine all of these events in a fast, subjective and punchy set of paragraphs (alternating who you're discussing by para) to create a page of synopsis.
Things to avoid putting in your short synopsis:
• Secondary and especially Tertiary Characters: Don't need em, don't want em. Leave em out. Trust me.
• Details: We don't even really need to know what city they live in. That includes what color hair, how tall, why they're pysically attracted to each other. Nada.
• Padding words: Though, but, and, actually, Then, So. You're adding word count and really, you don't have the room. One or two isn't a bad thing. But definitely try to keep them out of your sentence structures.
Now, how do we combine all of this crap I've dumped on you? You write sentences that cover a LOT of ground. You're not here to be fancy or flowy. You're here to get the story out concise and with a little bit of your voice. But the key word is PUNCHY. Nothing long, nothing artful. Get to the point and move on. Move from plot point to plot point, intersperse with turning points where they come in the course of the story. Add a little bit of the tone and remember to stay in present tense.
Here's an example:
Candy store owner Elizabeth Clarke is in trouble, Bickner Chocolates claims she stole a formula from them and she can't prove she didn't. Unable to decide which of her dedicated workers has sold her recipe to the chocolate mogul, Elizabeth decides to infiltrate the company herself--until she's caught by a security guard on overnight duty...at least, that's what he looks like.
Undercover agent Russ Stover's luck couldn't be worse. The night he's waited months for is being blown by a loopy candy cook with delusions of theivery. Rather than start all over, he takes her with him to uncover how the choco-magnate is secreting out drugs with their sweet treats. But how is a guy supposed to do his duty when there's a sugar coated redhead next to him, ready to eat?
Elizabeth refuses to be sidetracked by Russ's refusal to explain what he's up to. Getting away from him, she finds the research dept, unknowingly setting off alarms before finding proof that her dearest friend has betrayed her. Russ rescues her from the factory before they can be caught, but at the cost of his own case. Elizabeth's guilt compounds her hurt and she offers to do what she can to make it up to Russ. Whatever she can...
Taking advantage of Elizabeth's guilt isn't really what Russ wants to do, but neither is going to bed alone. Besides, Elizabeth's former employee is just the person he needs to get back into Bickner's illegal activities. What's wrong with mixing some business with sweet pleasure? The only problem is, the more tastes he gets of Elizabeth, the less interested he is in catching the bad guys. Until she finds out that she's little more than a means to an end. Then Russ is on his backside on her curb and sweetness is nothing more than a bitter memory.
Not liking to see how empty his life is without Elizabeth--or admit it was empty before her--Russ throws himself into his work. But Bickners isn't about to leave a loose end like Elizabeth alone and now the only way to protect her is to put them away. Making use of her former employee, Russ invades the factory once more and unearths the drug supply hidden within. The Bickner's venture is over. Elizabeth is safe. So why does he still want to see her?
Elizabeth's life hasn't been going so well. Missing Russ, having trouble trusting her new employee, she's none-too-thrilled when the press hoardes her to ask about the fall of Bickners. Learning the truth of the takedown--and Russ's part in it--Elizabeth rushes to his apartment to find him. He's surprised to see her, but he won't let her apologize. He admits he was wrong to hide his case from her and to let her think she meant nothing more to him. Elizabeth offers a second chance, for both of them. He still has his sweet tooth and she's sure she has a lifetime's worth of sugar to keep him satisfied. Russ is too busy sampling the goods to even think about arguing.
Now, I'm not callling it nobel peace prize winning, but it gets the story across in a single page. Sunny's rule of thumb, 1-100k book=1 page short synnop. If you go over that, you're going on too long. Keep it short, keep it sweet. You'll see better results.
Next week: The Long Synopsis
Monday, December 05, 2005
Brag Blog?
I got to wondering...what are we supposed to put in our blogs? I think we get it in our heads pretty frequently that we have to have to have something important to say before we blog. I know I do.
"I should teach!" or "I should say something really meaningful" or "I should inspire someone" and it really just occurred to me that that is a lot to ask of a body. I mean, hell, I'm barely inspired to get out of bed in the morning. It's too damn early. It's too damn COLD. You know what inspires me--and this is by no means a signal that I don't absolutely love my child--? I think of a whole 5 hours of uninterrupted thinking or doing. I don't have a particular desire to do or think on any one thing. Truthfully, I have to make lists everyday to make sure I think of the right things in the right order. I'm inspired by the lack of "Mommy" every two minutes. My son couldn't talk for the first 4 years of his life--he's catching up with a vengence.
I think about those great blogs where writers sound off about things that just piss them off. Sure, some of them are irrational blatherings of the easily spooked or the desirous of rage types, but to have that much energy to put in a blog? Wow. That's some big competition to deal with. It makes you want to do something with your blog. Something that's going to have everyone talking. Everyone up in arms. Everyone.
Truth is, I don't brush my hair until my hubby comes home at five. I only get dressed because the bus driver gives me weird looks and the homeless people shun me when I take the kid for his morning pick up. I work. Every day. I eke out writing time, not that you'd know it this year. And I raise a kid in my own exhausted fashion. Some days, I'm not too bad a mother. Other days, I'm the shittiest mother alive. I definitely don't have time to get real political. I certainly don't have the energy to be meaningful. So why the hell do I put myself through thinking I should be?
I'm really sure that at some time really soon, I might figure that out. For now, I'm working on being less meaningful and more present. At least, that's the plan. :)
Smooches,
Dee
"I should teach!" or "I should say something really meaningful" or "I should inspire someone" and it really just occurred to me that that is a lot to ask of a body. I mean, hell, I'm barely inspired to get out of bed in the morning. It's too damn early. It's too damn COLD. You know what inspires me--and this is by no means a signal that I don't absolutely love my child--? I think of a whole 5 hours of uninterrupted thinking or doing. I don't have a particular desire to do or think on any one thing. Truthfully, I have to make lists everyday to make sure I think of the right things in the right order. I'm inspired by the lack of "Mommy" every two minutes. My son couldn't talk for the first 4 years of his life--he's catching up with a vengence.
I think about those great blogs where writers sound off about things that just piss them off. Sure, some of them are irrational blatherings of the easily spooked or the desirous of rage types, but to have that much energy to put in a blog? Wow. That's some big competition to deal with. It makes you want to do something with your blog. Something that's going to have everyone talking. Everyone up in arms. Everyone.
Truth is, I don't brush my hair until my hubby comes home at five. I only get dressed because the bus driver gives me weird looks and the homeless people shun me when I take the kid for his morning pick up. I work. Every day. I eke out writing time, not that you'd know it this year. And I raise a kid in my own exhausted fashion. Some days, I'm not too bad a mother. Other days, I'm the shittiest mother alive. I definitely don't have time to get real political. I certainly don't have the energy to be meaningful. So why the hell do I put myself through thinking I should be?
I'm really sure that at some time really soon, I might figure that out. For now, I'm working on being less meaningful and more present. At least, that's the plan. :)
Smooches,
Dee
Friday, December 02, 2005
Time Doesn't Fly....
It skyrockets like a bat out of hell.
So now it's Friday morning and as usual, I feel like I'm falling behind. Moo pulled up sick, the poor kid. He came home the day before yesterday lay on the floor and didn't get up for six hours. This is the kid I usually beg to sit still long enough to eat his dinner. I feel so bad to see him this way and he's a bear to medicate.
Now, I'm not complaining, but is it me or does the onset of December mean that there's suddenly so much more to do? Less time, less energy, less everything. Last night I had the hugest impulse to write...and by then I was falling asleep on the couch. My first real impulse in months! And all I could do was think about the things I hadn't done yet. HTML that wasn't completed. Links not finished. Items not built. Schedules not finalized. Shoot, I haven't even had tme to fix the broken screws on my bed and that'll take five minutes, tops. And that's not even my writing work.
Now, I know that it's often said I invent work for myself. I make things harder than it has to be. I want my work to look right and more importantly BE right. I don't think I have particularly high standards--if you saw the way I look around noon every day, you'd know...I don't have high standards--but I want to get all my bases covered. I think it's a quality that makes me a good writer, when I can incorporate it into my editing and plotting. But it probably makes me difficult to others. Clean the kitchen, you better wipe the counters. Build a discussion, make it worth the author's time to promote there. Write a story, make it complete.
Eh, I prolly just have the blahs. Hope your December is starting off with a better mood than mine. :)
PS--I toned down the white titles. Less eye-stinging? Or too hard to read?
Smooches,
Dee
So now it's Friday morning and as usual, I feel like I'm falling behind. Moo pulled up sick, the poor kid. He came home the day before yesterday lay on the floor and didn't get up for six hours. This is the kid I usually beg to sit still long enough to eat his dinner. I feel so bad to see him this way and he's a bear to medicate.
Now, I'm not complaining, but is it me or does the onset of December mean that there's suddenly so much more to do? Less time, less energy, less everything. Last night I had the hugest impulse to write...and by then I was falling asleep on the couch. My first real impulse in months! And all I could do was think about the things I hadn't done yet. HTML that wasn't completed. Links not finished. Items not built. Schedules not finalized. Shoot, I haven't even had tme to fix the broken screws on my bed and that'll take five minutes, tops. And that's not even my writing work.
Now, I know that it's often said I invent work for myself. I make things harder than it has to be. I want my work to look right and more importantly BE right. I don't think I have particularly high standards--if you saw the way I look around noon every day, you'd know...I don't have high standards--but I want to get all my bases covered. I think it's a quality that makes me a good writer, when I can incorporate it into my editing and plotting. But it probably makes me difficult to others. Clean the kitchen, you better wipe the counters. Build a discussion, make it worth the author's time to promote there. Write a story, make it complete.
Eh, I prolly just have the blahs. Hope your December is starting off with a better mood than mine. :)
PS--I toned down the white titles. Less eye-stinging? Or too hard to read?
Smooches,
Dee
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