I started thinking about what I should do for this project and I guess that the best thing to do is take it day by day. It’s a journal, so I don’t have to have the deepest of thoughts as long as I take note of how every day has passed.
Gio had a good day today, despite this weekend having been pretty hard. He’s six and I had it foolishly in my head that the bad days that he’s been having would be mostly outgrown by now. It used to be the bad days were that everything made him cry. The sound of his own voice seemed to grate his nerves, which would make him cry, or yell. He’d get really huggy and needy and clingy. Made it so hard to function. You crave restroom time, if only to be alone for a second...which makes you feel guilty. When they’re babies, it can be a bit easier to get away and get a breath. When they’re older and have a stronger sense of your patterns, escape is impossible.
But God, don’t you want it?
Then, of course, you start thinking, “If I was a real mom, a GOOD mom, I wouldn’t need to hide in the bathroom so I can breathe without the sound of anything ringing in my ears, or pulling on my shirt--or trying to get under it--or anyone tangling in my feet.”
But, you allow yourself, most moms don’t have a child with special needs. Then you start wondering if maybe you spoil your child. Or are you just spoiling yourself?
By then, of course, the child has found you and time is up before you find any answers.
I figure if my son would leave me in there for a good two years, I might just get one, but he had this addiction to occasional meals and my husband claims he’d die without them.
Thus far in his life, Gio can speak and he’s currently developing more sentences. Things like “I monkey,” when he’s jumping on the bed. “I want____” usually indicating food. “Where you going?” was one of his first unique sentences. He gets lazy though, with his consonants. We frequently remind him it’s “wah-TTT--ur” instead of “wahwer”. We regularly worry about pushing him too hard and not pushing him enough. But sadly, that comes second to feeding him.
He started today with three PB&Js, only drinks water with occasional soda and then rounded off with a slice of pizza for lunch, with a buttery biscuit from Popeyes and another PB&J. He loves them hot--food is not edible unless it near burns his tongue--and thanks to Wallace & Gromit, he’s discovered sandwhiches on toast, tested and immediately adored just today.
He used to eat crackers, but that stopped around age two. Again, W&G have served us well, except he’d really like to eat nothing but crackers. I have to go and buy another pack of his preferred hamburger patties, we made do with fresh meatballs that he was willing to eat tonight. I’m praying to come up with a new way to get his vitamins into him--nothing productive thus far, sad to report. Why can’t they make chocolate vitamins that don’t taste like they can be mistaken for dog droppings?
He requires a bath daily in order to go to sleep and stay there, but thankfully, he required less crawling all over me and impeding my breathing, but a good amount of happy hugging went down. :)